I find myself worrying about everything at once, no matter the time of day or year. I could be sitting down with everything done for the day. Yet my mind finds something no matter how minuscule it is to leave me worrying. You’ve probably heard or felt that before, worrying over something so small or too big. Things that are easy to fix or things that are out of your control.Yet you’ll probably tell yourself it’s nothing because it’s easier to ignore than to actually focus on it. I’ve found myself doing that a lot lately, until I no longer could. Worry is paramount, that’s something I found out. Yes I know, everyone should know this. I’m aware it’s not a new concept in theory but it is a new concept for me in action.Worry is such an overwhelming feeling and in my life it’s a dominant force. I feel weighed down by this feeling that every aspect of who I am is tied to it. It affects how I view myself, others, and life in general. It’s not healthy, that’s what I always tell myself. How can something that leaves me so anxious be present in my daily life?That’s the thing it’s not healthy when worry overtakes your life. If worry is so overwhelming you find yourself worrying over every small thing. It took me a long time to realize worry is human. I realize that’s also something I should have known automatically. But saying you know something is a bit different from actually comprehending it.Worry can be good and bad. It’s a natural human emotion to worry about things in and out of your control. Worry can help with problem solving but it should not control a person’s life. There has to be balance.When I worry I focus on everything that could go wrong in future instances. I’ve noticed when I do that I rob myself of present moments that are just as important to focus on. I had to understand that while worrying can be important it doesn’t change the outcome of things. Truthfully, even when I understood that I was still consumed with worry.Which I think is due in part to how I think of all the bad that could happen. So I started to think of all the good that could happen in those same situations. For example, when it rains unexpectedly when I plan to go to a cafe. I always consider ‘what if it’s too much trouble to go out in these conditions?’ My mind gets stuck worrying about how bad this situation could turn out due to things out of my control.That’s when I started to think about the positives to those same situations. Like even though it’s raining I can still go to a cafe despite the rain. Since it’s raining I can sit near one of the windows and study while listening to the rain fall. Due to the rain it’s not as crowded as it normally is in the cafe.Even if it’s a small positive to combat the negative scenarios it’s good enough. Not every thought I have to combat the negativity is something outlandish. I’ve learned to accept worry while making it a habit to find balance. In a way it keeps me grounded in the best way possible. I would say worry is paramount but so is finding the best way to balance it out in your life.

“I am not a violent dog, I do not know why I bite”This quote has always stood out to me, I’ve seen it everywhere from Isles of Dogs to tattoo inspiration on Pinterest. On a surface level I tell myself it’s simple, it means that while they’re not violent they have violence engrained in them. That’s it there was nothing else to figure out, until I revisited this quote months later.I wouldn’t say I’m a violent person, I try to avoid violence that leads to physical harm. I’m more likely to kneel over than fight back in that manner. But that’s only my conscious response to things. I started thinking about this quote on a subconscious level. When I’m in situations I act out of fear due to past experiences I’ve had. I’m not inherently violent in nature but my defensive response is to bite.I sat at work consumed with this idea that it stems from this disconnect. An internal conflict rather, between my desire to connect with others and my need to protect myself from others. Life is lived so many ways by so many people that are vastly different, simply put humans are not a monolith. We’re all made up of memories, experiences, and emotions. A situation for one person might seem good while that same situation for another might seem bad or better even.In note of that, no two people are the same in their experiences and how they handle them. Some can go through life despite their experiences without a marker of how that situation affected them. While others show it either subconsciously or consciously in how they react.Life experiences can harden you whether you’re aware of that or not. It can lead you to react in a way you normally would not have if you weren’t hurt by the experiences you’ve lived. Like the concept of ‘hurt people, hurt people’. Those that experience trauma or pain are more likely to inflict pain onto others. Most times it stems from this need to regain power or control, things that were taken from you. But unlike having this need to feel power or control, not knowing why you bite is a bit different.It reminds me of fight, flight, or freeze. You hurt others as a reaction, not because you simply have a need to have power or control. Reactions like these are subconscious and it’s said in certain situations you find out which one you’re likely to do.You bite because it’s instinctual, it’s unconscious behavior engrained in you. It’s a reaction where you want to get close to others but you fear if you do you’ll be hurt again. You’re changed by the world through these experiences. You’re acting without fully understanding why. Biting keeps others away, it’s your defense and it ensures others cannot see the pain and fear beneath the biting. It’s hard to call a dog violent in that right when they do not know why they bite at least not all the time.